The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
