:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
