Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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