Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
