lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
