They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize