margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
