I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
