i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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