dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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