puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
