So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
