I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
