I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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