Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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