I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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