can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize