Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
