sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
