ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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