does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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