Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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