so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
