Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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