I can text with my tongue
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
