please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
