I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
