If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
