So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
