Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
