Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
