If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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