i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
