she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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