I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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