Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
