well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he fucked my hip out of place.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
