Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
