Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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