The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
