wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
