So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sarcasm needs its own font
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
