"it" just moved
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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