i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
