totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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