After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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