I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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