i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
40s are totally the cure
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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