I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
