Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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