my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
