She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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