You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
