i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There's always time for handjobs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
