im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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