I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
