tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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