Me. At least after what I've been through.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
