I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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