he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
