She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
