I want to stick my p in your. b.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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