Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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