my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
