He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
