Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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