$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
