"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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