There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Every concussion has its silver lining
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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