he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She even gives head with a lisp.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
