what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
