The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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