I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
