oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
