I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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