im having a threesome with these popsicles
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
