if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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