and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
