I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
