Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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