We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
