You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
