Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
