you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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