hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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