Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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