Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
